The Gray Chesspiece / At Death's Feet

2011-11-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

Mad As Hell Comics!

2011-11-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

by Ed Subtizky

2011-11-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

Satarrghhhhh!

2011-11-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

2011-10-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how to interact peacefully with my mother, but tonight I know that it is certainly not my fault. This is because she, like many people, treats love like a perverse game. If she shows anyone kindness, she feels allowed to then show them cruelty and resentment that they do not deserve. She is a passive aggressive. She cannot deal with any of her problems head-on, so she lashes out at other targets. This has been my whole existence living with her. I've had to pay for the abuse from her father, my own father and my older, more rebellious brother. This is my cross to bear and it is misery. But what can I do? She is my mother. She is toxic to me, but I am compelled by morality and instinct to be there for her in some capacity.

I was disgusted tonight as she gushed and gossiped about a little girl who is friends with my mother's niece. She relished the fact that this little white girl has become rebellious and is now chastised by her family. Its so disturbing and ignorant and hateful. All of it. The notion of anyone not being allowed to be imperfect, especially a child. And such awful racial prejudice being applied to a child who you were facetiously kind to is ... ugh, embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for my mother. She is so wicked and stupid, but she makes no effort to change because she is embarrassed and so stubborn. My heart bleeds for people so flawed. Do you see how all of these psychological issues, these "sins of the father", pass down and harm a child?

I really don't want to have children while I'm young. My parents did this and it stunted their emotional and personal growth more than I think it should have. Of course they gained so much more by being parents, but they are so far from the parents they wanted to be, it saddens and places guilt on to myself, the child. Being so close in age to my parents, I feel all of this competitive aggression against me. My mother tries to be more fashionable and artistic than I am, like a jealous sister. My father is obsessed with his physical condition and having more vitality than I do. He recently "playfully" tried to box with me while on we in New York to bury his father. He has some underlying need to beat me or at least, be a worthy opponent for me. Its all too much to deal with when trying to bond with them. I hope it all settles in their old age. I wish I was raised by two parent who loved each other and had gained wisdom about the world. I was a child raised by children.

On Urban Music

2011-10-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

1. I realized why I hate modern rappers. They all speak in this contrived 70s player persona. The strained tone of voice, lazy delivery and obscenely hit-or-miss one-liners. Even Jay Z, forced to keep up in a young populist's game, has taken to this painfully corny style.

2. RnB to the new generation = sexually explicit lyrics over slowed down hip hop beats. I must be a person meant for fast, forceful sex because I hate the soft, slow shit. Drake is the hottest person in urban music aside from the MVP, Lil Wayne. I still love Lil Wayne, but his collaboration with Drake has been so unfruitful and so bland. Its a wise and seemingly liberating business move to make Drake his RnB sidekick. Drake is an exotic property to urban music: he's well-spoken, he's biracial, a former child actor, Canadian and he sings as much as he raps. But if Lil Wayne is interested in ever making great music again, he needs to work with the vastly more interesting and talented singers out there like The-Dream, Roscoe Dash or Trey Songz. These artists have no crossover "It" factor, but they are so much better at what they do. Roscoe Dash specializes in one type of song, but he OWNS that style. Lil Wayne has enough talent to make me think he really does this for the music. This era of rap has seen music become more of a business than an artform. And Drake fits this era perfectly. Lil Wayne has something timeless, but he shows it less and less. Their hold on the collective consciousness can't last must longer.

2011-10-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

"Prosper" - Very rewarding track from A.Goff & Yung God, two budding rappers who have become unofficial disciples of Lil B. I know these guys have received flack for being so derivative of Lil B, but it is self admitted. They bring a fresh sound and updated worldview to the sound Lil B flirted with early in his career and has since abandoned completely, so I am very pleased that his hardcore fans have now created their own version of "based" music.

Dennis Hopper. 74

2010-06-13T15:40:00.001-07:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/gallery/2010/jan/07/dennis-hopper-life-in-pictures

US Girls

2010-06-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

Pure expression. Ghost pop ballad nirvana.

Chopped and Screwed: I Feel Like Dying

2010-06-13T15:08:00.000-07:00

On Coke: Macho Man Randy Savage

2010-06-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

Savage is the Jack Kerouac of the WWF. Ultimate Warrior is Allen Ginsberg.

On Coke: Richard Pryor

2010-06-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

Portrait of a mad black poet. "Fuck Charlie Chaplin! Motherfucker didn't even talk"

On Coke: Juelz Santana

2010-06-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

No blinking. Just genius at work.

Political Gallo

2010-02-06T05:15:00.000-08:00

Vincent Gallo on Politics

jeremy | MySpace Video

Lou Reed & Butthead

2010-01-20T22:38:00.001-08:00

Love is for Suckers

2010-01-20T22:29:00.000-08:00

Who came up with this one? 1980s Tough RnB boy band invade a white Nuclear family and eat chicken. And all of that has nothing to do with the song. I'm sure a white man put Full Force up to this. But I kind of like it still. Rock on, Full Force

Arsenio meets Annie Lennox, Randy Savage

2010-01-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

I'm loving the Arsenio interviews found on youtube. The guy had EVERYONE who defined the early 90s/late 80s. Much more interesting to watch than Leno and Letterman. Maybe not as fascinating as the Chevy Chase Show though.

Love Annie Lennox so much. I grew up in love with her strong and strange on-stage appearance. And now, as an adult, I'm more in love with her shy and nervous personality behind the performance. Let her explain.

Macho Man Randy Savage is endlessly entertaining. And pretty witty as well.

Fuck you, Drago

2009-11-22T23:24:00.001-08:00

RIP Apollo Creed

Why Must I Cry

2009-11-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

I am not making fun of this video. I find it to be something that should be played 7:00 in the morning on MTV. This video is very off-putting to most people I'm sure. But its filled with so many subtle imprefections and alien genius. Great job, Reh Dogg. I get you.

Boytronic

2009-11-22T23:18:00.000-08:00

Well, the songs kind of blow. But the videos are something else. Who came up with this stuff?

Disco Rick

2009-11-22T23:15:00.000-08:00

This video is so weird and catchy. Why did this man hire little girls to sing "Do the Nasty"? But anyway, this is the type of camp modern comedians rack their brains trying to envision.

Sweet Dreams

2009-11-22T23:10:00.000-08:00

I'll always prefer the more well-known video version of this song. But this is kinda neat. You really get to understand the Eurythmics dynamic better with this odd video. And, gosh, isn't Annie Lennox the most gorgeous and enigmatic thing in the world??

Bob Clampett

2009-11-22T22:47:00.000-08:00

Bob Clampett really helped to shape my early blueprint of an imagination and also helped me fall in love with cartoons. His Warner Bros. shorts are so manic and colorful and drawn with such poise that you always find yourself entertained no matter how lackluster the plot or intellectually offensive the content.

Merrie Melodies - The Old Grey Hare (1944)
Uploaded by Cartoonzof2006. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

That cartoon has great expressions and really gives Elmer Fudd a really emotional and human side. It was never Clampett's job to make you think. Chuck Jones and Fiz Frelend were the cerebral ones. But seeing the history of Bugs and Elmer is a real master-stroke because it isn't just some gratuitous gimmick like it is now. This really sets up every Bugs/Elmer feud cartoon ever. And seeing the eventual end of their feud is hard to put into words. Just magnificent filmmaking.

Clampett made some of tthe most controversial cartoons ever. "Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarves" deserves its own post. But watch this cartoon dealing with a Native American threat. Some will think of the cartoonists as insensitive hatemongers, but I think they were just immature prankster having fun at the expense of American history. This cartoon is so memorable for its surreal gags, but to me the best part is the supporting cast. Porky and Injun Joe are fine, but the horse, Sloppy Moe and even a bear-trap all give great performances.

Merrie Melodies "Wagon Heels" (1945)
Uploaded by 100X. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

With age comes wisdom

2009-11-17T06:20:00.000-08:00

As a child, I looked up to one man above all others. That man is Chevy Chase. That acid-spewing, hate-filled master of one-liners and pratfalls. But then there was a huge backlash against him for being such a cock to people. So what if the man compared Bill Murray's skin to the cratered surface of the moon. And what if, in a supreme act of callousness, he chastised John Landis for the death of Vic Murrow and two Vietnamese children. And I can't repeat a rumored sketch idea he may have mentioned to a gay SNL cast member. Just know the punchline is about a gay man dying from AIDS.

So he's a piece of shit. But he made "Fletch". Even more, he made "Fletch Lives". He was FUCKING Clark Griswald! This man was in BOTH Caddyshacks damn it! Hasn't he paid his dues with his 90s and 00s career? Can't we welcome this man back into our hearts?

Now that he's a 66-year-old clown prince, he seems humbled. He can laugh at his misfortune and misteps. He even pats people on the back these days. He openly envies Bill Murray's career and speaks fondly of his fallen rival John Belushi. He mentions that most of his films sucked.

See how un-smug he can be?

How did I get here?

2009-11-16T04:41:00.000-08:00

I'm depressed. My life has no thrill. No mate. No job. My day consists of watching old movies and youtube videos. Mostly comedies. I'm a creative, fun-loving guy. I like smart, interesting, odd people. I'm not a total bump on a log. I write plenty. I write poetry, raps, lyrics and love to write jokes and gags. But where is life leading me. My love for the longest has been film. I'd like to be a director and writer. Acting might be fun and rewarding. As long as I have a lot of creative input. Producing doesn't interest me much.

I'm thinking about college. Acting, directing, editing, business management, psychology are all very interesting to me. I'd really love to study the English language, which would help with my writing and wordplay. How do I earn money with what I have? Why am I so hesitant about returning to school? School wasn't so kind to me before. I'm always the outsider and rebel with how the teachers teach. They either go too slow or too fast. I lose interest easily. I've learned alot about myself and what I want out of life thanks to my break. I've watched hundreds of movies, studied the writing, direction and performances thoroughly. Now I want to create. I'm sick of just studying. So returning to school to study "properly" is not the most encouraging idea.

I see so many talented young artists, thinkers and performers living the bohemian lifestyle in New York. Plenty of cool bands, poets and improv actors. Like this little darling Jenny Slate.

I want to surround myself with artistic people with ambitions. My friends who feel compelled to work at dead-end jobs and get fucked up on the weekends are sad. I just want to create impressive works of MY own art and enjoy the nightlife not as an escape, but as a social tool. Meet beautiful girls with big complex minds. Make new kinds of friends like gay people and people from different ethnic backgrounds. I'm sick of the rednecks and drug-users. Its just boring. I'm the country mouse lusting for the city.

I feel so much funnier than the comedians I see. I can write better plots than the ones I see in theatres. I have a unique view on things. No one's into the shit I'm into. I'm a 22 year old black virgin who loves Jerry Lewis and europop. And I actually like women. Not just plain ol' white women mind you! I really love Jewish women. Atleast, presently.

So here are MY OPTIONS:
Join some improv acting troupe
Make crummy little underground films no one will ever see
Go to school so Hollywood and big businesses will care about me

Fucking horrible

2009-11-16T03:59:00.000-08:00

Sick Animation

2009-11-16T03:49:00.000-08:00

I love my comedy as juvenile as it is adult. True comedy has BALLS. And sickanimation.com is never lacking in that genital category. Surreal, silly stuff.

YAY! Chevy!

2009-11-16T03:42:00.000-08:00

I've always been a super nerd for Chevy Chase films. But he's always been such a smug and rude hated personality. But now that he's in his late 60s and a deflated comic legend, he's like a rather hip grandpa we all can enjoy. Here's the best interview I've ever seen with him. He's kind and not stroking his own ego AT ALL! Well, just a teensy bit.

More STEP BROTHERS

2009-11-16T03:36:00.000-08:00

I think STEP BROTHERS is one of the best comedies in the last 30 years. Probably the best of this generation of overpaid hacks. Its up there with Caddyshack and Tommy Boy in the annals of ridiculously silly, male-influenced, improv-heavy, slapsticky fun comedies. So if you watched it and enjoyed it, here's what didn't make its way in the final cut. Apparently, there's enough material to make another movie.

ALICE

2009-11-16T03:19:00.000-08:00

So Tim Burton is releasing his version of Lewis Carrol's "Alice in Wonderland".
Big deal. Plenty of cool kids will get really high and be disappointed by this one-trillionth faithful adaptation of a classic. What you should do is gather, get drunk or high on X and watch this mindbender of a show:

This takes me back to when everything was insane. When George Bush Sr. was the president and children pined to be covered in green "Gak". But whats with the hip-hop Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum? And is the Red Queen 80s icon Nell Carter?

TV: Zoobilee Zoo

2009-11-16T03:15:00.000-08:00

I nearly had my period when I found this long-lost piece of my childhood thanks to YOUTUBE. I think the fox guy had a tremendous impact on my personality, sadly. And I really wanted to marry the bird chick. I still love pear-shaped girls with beak-shaped noses. Any Jewish girls with feathers?

RIGHT NOW

2009-11-16T03:05:00.000-08:00

The only thing more intriquing and foreign to me than Ghetto music is Ghetto comedy. This is a parody of the musical stylings of Gucci Mane and OJ da Juice Man. They reveal how incredibly easy it is to create their oddball Gangsta rap with some of the weirdest comedy I've heard in a while. BEWARE This is extremely catchy and juvenile.

"I walk with a waddle 'cause I got webbed feet!"

"I eat my sandwich plain/ It was a cheeseburger till I took off everything!"

Gucc & Juice Freestyle

2009-11-16T02:56:00.000-08:00

Now to some, this video is just a sad display of some Ghetto niggaz. But what I see is a very humorous attempt at rapping by two ambitious dudes. Sure, they are uneducated and pretty threatening to Sburban America. And they kind of suck at freestyling. But how can anyone deny their character. Young men who hang out, get high on marijuana and create rhyming couplets about how "hard" they are over haunting 90s techno samples. Its fascinating and, in a weirdly subversive way, enlightening about what's going on in the projects of America.

Some classic quotables here too.

"Juice push elbows/ Pills and shit, dawg, I push real coke!"

"Triple beam scale? Shawty say that he triple beam scale" LOL

comedy: Joysticks

2009-07-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

Things I like about this movie:

1. Joe Don Baker as the middleaged villain
2. The kids include a dirty fat party animal (HAWAIIAN SHIRT!) and AN 80S nerd (bowtie-wearing, ofcourse)
2. There's a sex-hating nurse
3. Street gangs and colored haired punks
4. 30 year old teenage girls with FUCKING incredible breasts
5. A climactic arcade battle
6. Strip... arcade
7. The best hotdog gag EVER

COMEDY: School Spirit

2009-07-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

Right now, I'm obsessed with stupid-ass comedies of the late 70s and up to the mid 90s. You know, sight gag-filled, slapstick-filled, boob-filled, sexually frustrated nerd-filled goodness. Here's some interesting crap:

Notice the main character, Billy Batson, is named after the child alter ego of the original Captain Marvel. Sweet.

This movie does look like shit though. I like that the trailer reveals, immediately, that at the end of the film, everyone learns he has become a ghost. Who cares about plot anyway. This has a lot of skin and falling down! Yuk-yuk!

RIP-OFF: Up the Academy

2009-07-26T00:25:00.000-07:00

In comedy... and horror... and any genre of film, a terrible rip-off or cash-in of a more artistic and legitimate property can be extreme fun. Here we have 'Mad Magazine's Up the Academy'. When National Lampoon had a few successful hits like "Animal House" and "Vacation", MAD churned out this odd little "Stripes for Teen Boys" picture. I think its cool the awkward cute geek role went to a black kid. Nowadays, they'd just hand this role to Michael Cera.

Lost Comedy Gem: Guick Change

2009-07-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

I'm getting this movie. Bill Murray and Randy Quaid makes my funnybone water(?), but Geena Davis too! Anything she's in is atleast watchable. Bill Murray, possibly the greatest modern comic actor, directed this little gem too.

Evelyn 'Champagne' King - Give it Up

2009-07-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

Perfect 80s dance song from the great romantic horror-comedy "Fright Night". Check that movie out!

Coonery VS. Stupid black people

2009-07-24T12:18:00.001-07:00

What makes someone a coon? What makes them a Tom?

I'm a fan of Tracy Morgan. He is a brilliant comedian and develops very clever, skilled jokes. But his persona of the mentally-unhinged, sexual miscreant makes alot of black people nervous and alot of white people laugh WAY too hard. Is he cooning? To a black audience, he is simply a pervert, a jokester and very weird. But to a white audience who looks down on black culture, he is a modern Stepin Fetchit. But the fact is, he IS who he portrays. It is not as contrived a character as you'd think. He has a ton of kids (but he is married), he seems to have some perconality disorders (but professionally, he is talented sucess) and his humor is very raw, surreal and often juvenile.

Coonery is when a black person CONSCIOUSLY conforms to a popular racist stereotype. A dumb black motherfucker who fits the stereotype, not by choice, is not a coon. He is just a stupid person who is black. OJ Simpson = coon. Flava Flav = silly black man. He's just being himself. He just happens to make white people feel superior. Britney Spears should make the average black woman feel superior. Is she a white coon? She embodies tasteless public sexuality, intellectually-opressive entertainment, the evil stereotype of blondes as stupid, troubled bimbos.

Then I think people of asian, hispanic, indian ethnicity can be coons. I've seen plenty of them degrade themselves to gain white favor and ... usually money.

So we have to ask can a white person coon? Have you ever heard of a white man fitting to a negative white sterotype to win a minority's favor. Its different than white guilt.

I think we need to seperate and redefine of "coon". One kind of coon makes whites feel superior: Stepin Fetchit and most rappers. While others, the more Uncle Tom-ish black, exists solely to make whites feel safe and unthreatened in a world of "scary black people". He isn't a symbol of degradation, he reinforces whites' feeling of black EQUALITY. I think Uncle Toms are necessary, when its genuine. Because I appreciate a white guy like Kenny Loggins thats makes me think "Damn, white people can be nice to have around".